October 12, 2007, Newsletter Issue #51: Confronting A Partner The Right Way

Tip of the Week

No one wants to believe his or her spouse is having an affair. Confronting a partner about infidelity may be one of the hardest things you will ever do in a relationship. When you confront the partner with information you or others have gathered, it is not automatic for them to confess and will generally lie. According to Sean Keefer, JD in domestic relations and child custody, “Many people don’t realize that the incorrect reaction to a cheating spouse or partner can actually cause more problems for you.” Here are some tips for confronting your spouse in the most positive light to achieve the best possible outcome.

- Be as certain as possible of the facts. Confrontation on suspicions alone may make the situation worse and create paranoia and doubt.

- Stay calm and keep your emotions at bay. An initial confrontation must be without violence.

- Try not to ‘accuse’. State the findings calmly and wait for the response.

- Be prepared to listen to the response before you start talking again. You may think you know all of the facts, but be open to how your spouse responds. They might surprise you.

- Be ready for an open dialogue with your partner. Infidelity happens for a reason and you must be open to hearing the reason.

- Know prior to the confrontation what you want to have happen. Are you prepared to kick them out, move out yourself or call an attorney?

- Be open to professional assistance before the confrontation - get counseling or go to a support group.

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