November 16, 2007, Newsletter Issue #56: How Marriages Survive Cheating

Tip of the Week

Why do people cheat in a marriage? Cheating is the result of many factors but usually doesn’t happen impulsively or overnight. Even the most impulsive one night stand does not just happen. When spouses think they need to change sexual partners, what they really need to do is change themselves, the way they look at the marriage and how they feel about it. It is better to be yourself in a marriage than to pretend everything is ok. More honesty and open communication will go a long way to restoring what is wrong in the marriage.

In order for a marriage to survive cheating, the offending spouse has to accept responsibility. Blaming the other spouse by saying, “you drove me away from our marriage” or “it’s your fault that I was unfaithful” is definitely a way to blow up a marriage. Why would anyone apologize for something that is the other spouse’s fault? Ownership is necessary to fix any problem. After the offending spouse’s apology, this does not let the ‘victimized’ spouse off the hook. There are definite reasons the partner has cheated on the marriage vows, and the non-offending spouse must be open to their part of the equation. Once both partners take ownership of their part in the problem, healing and rebuilding the relationship can begin.

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