April 4, 2008, Newsletter Issue #76: Self Deception In Relationships
Tip of the Week
Self deception is one way partners justify behavior that they know is wrong. In the example of infidelity, one partner deceives the other by being unfaithful. They go on to become self deceptive by rationalizing their behavior to themselves. Self deception can lead to anger and severe problems in the relationship such as abuse and violence.
All self deception may not include such dangerous problems. People deceive themselves when they use statements such as, “I can’t stop seeing John vs. I won’t stop seeing John”. Do you see the difference? Be honest with yourself because ‘won’t’ is the most honest of the two statements. Logically you are able to and ‘can’ stop seeing someone, you just choose not to. Self deception crops up in many areas of life. People think they can’t stop eating, smoking, don’t have time to exercise, you name it. Pay attention to what you say and how you say it. Stop the deception, and you are on your way to an honest relationship with yourself and others.
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