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Good men cheat on their wives. Cheating doesn't necessarily mean all men are dogs, it could mean that they are imperfect as partners. Some men cheat because they are impulsive and a sexual opportunity may be too good to pass up. They believe no one will find out and what's the harm? Infidelity isn't always about the wife. Men need to feel like they are strong and needed. Wives have the kids, bills and realities of life waiting for the husband when they get home. If there has been a pattern of infidelity before the couple got married, the wife may not trust the husband from the beginning. This lack of trust may cause the husband to cheat anyway. Marriages generally do not survive a lack of trust so the dangerous cycle of infidelity starts from the very beginning.
Some husbands are sexually bored and feel like they left bachelorhood too quickly. What does a little change of pace hurt? Men do not think through the repercussions of infidelity and begin with a little ‘harmless' flirtation. Flirting is usually not harmless and should be considered one of the first signs that cheating and infidelity will soon follow. If men were less impulsive and more respectful of their wives, there would be less infidelity in marriages.
Infidelity is devastating in a relationship, but not all infidelity is about the physical act of sex. The emotionally cheating spouse has given up on the marriage in thought, word and deed. Emotional cheating to some people is worse than physical infidelity. Women are quicker to forgive a physical one-night stand than if the man emotionally cares for the other woman. For women, emotions are much stronger than the physical act so it's even more difficult to save the marriage. Is a marriage salvageable if the emotional infidelity is ongoing?
The non-offending spouse may decide to win the other spouse back. They beg, make promises, arrange for dates and try anything to show they care. This usually doesn't work because it may be too late. Emotional needs are already being fulfilled somewhere else. The spouse can come off as needy and this is a sure way to drive the spouse into the arms of the other person. One of the best things the non-offending spouse can do is to back off and give the other partner room to think and breathe. Give your spouse the opportunity to realize that the affair may not be all it's cracked up to be and not the answer to her needs. This is an opportunity for your relationship with each other to grow if you have the courage to step back and give it time.
When a marriage or a committed relationship begins, there are flowers, foot rubs and the romance is still in full swing. As time goes on, the partners begin the day-to-day humdrum life. The role of the man and woman is tricky because neither want to become a mother or father figure. They want to be loving wives and husbands keeping the romance alive. Partners cheat when they do not receive the type of emotional and physical requirements they have in their mind. Each man and woman has a mentally preconceived set of “how things will be” when we are married. Each picture in their minds must correspond to what is happening in the marriage or cheating is the result.
If cheating is on the mind of either spouse, it is time to seek professional counseling. Marriage counselors or marital retreats offer couples the opportunity to speak freely and openly about what is missing for them in the marriage. Counselors are an objective third party that are trained to get to the root of the issues. Finding and keeping a marriage happy and affectionate is a skill that some couples do not have. Counseling can help train and educate couples to find the missing aspects of their partnership.
Every relationship faces challenges at one time or another. You may be suspicious of a cheating partner, but you don't really know for sure until you get some facts. If you are still in the suspicious stage, ask yourself some tough questions about your partner's behavior and attitude towards you and the family.
- Is there emotional distance between you and your partner?
- Is there a difference in the quality of your sex life?
- Has cheating been a pattern in past relationships?
- Has your partner been spending less time with your and the kids?
- Is your partner defensive when asked casual questions?
- Does your partner leave the room to answer or make phone calls?
- Have your friends ever asked you if you had suspicions about whether or not your spouse is cheating?
- Is your spouse interested in new activities that he discourages you from participating with him or her?
- Are you fighting over many little things?
None of these questions alone indicates a cheating spouse, but collectively if you answered yes to many, these are signs of a cheating spouse.
If you realize you are married to a cheating spouse, you may believe that divorce is the only answer. Before you take the drastic step of ending your marriage, there are some things you should do.
- Take a deep breath and get some facts. Proceed with calm and determine absolutely if your spouse is cheating before you make accusations.
- Once it is determined that your spouse has actually cheated on you, try to determine the reasons why.
- There is no justification for cheating, but be willing to work on the reasons why your spouse cheated. If boredom with the marriage is one reason, there are many ways to change things up.
- Realize that everyone has problems and faults and jumping out a marriage or breaking up a family is not always in everyone's best interest.
- Consider marriage counseling and go with your spouse
- Be honest with yourself if you are capable of rebuilding trust with your spouse.
Divorce is a last resort. Love and marriage should never be taken for granted so cherish what you have and try to fix the parts that are broken.
Infidelity is not new to women. Women cheat on their husbands just as often as men cheat on their wives. It is thought that women do not have the same sex drive as men and they do not view sex the same way that men do. So, why do women cheat?
Women cheat on their husbands for the same reasons that men cheat. They cheat because of love with another person. They cheat because they want to feel beautiful. They cheat to increase their self-esteem, and yes, they cheat because of sex. Women are no longer stuck in the home as they were in the 50's. They are out in the working world around men everyday. Women must feel an emotional intimacy with their husband or problems with infidelity may be in their future. Once the connection between spouses is broken for whatever reason, the marriage is in trouble because the woman must have that connection. This connection breaks because of financial pressures, problems with the kids, problems with work and more. Women need the feeling of love and support from their husbands. Marriages have a better chance of thriving when there is open communication between the partners and there is a mutual respect between them.
If you are married to a cheating husband, your relationship may or may not be over. If you want to try to save the marriage, there are certain approaches you can use to talk to your husband about the infidelity. Before you approach your husband, be honest with yourself and know if you can or cannot forgive his infidelity. If other parts of your marriage are good and you have children, it is a good idea to do everything you can to save the marriage.
- Many husbands do not want to end a marriage. They are cheating because they are bored and want excitement with a mistress. If the reasons behind the cheating are sexual, mix things up in the bedroom and allow some experimentation.
- Many husbands cheat because they feel like they need an escape from reality. At home, they have financial, family and real life pressures. Sometimes this is too much for men and they need to look elsewhere for support. Men cheat because the other woman makes them feel like they are special. This escape from reality is not unlike taking drugs or alcohol to escape from feeling pain of everyday life.
If these reasons sound like excuses for a cheating spouse, maybe they are. That does not make the reasons any less real. There are always red flags in relationships if they start getting in trouble. Be an active participant in your marriage and the chances of you being married to a cheating husband are reduced.
Is it ever ok to cheat on your spouse? That depends, if you are cheating on your spouse in your dreams and not physically pursuing an affair, it is usually considered ok by society. Cheating and being unfaithful in dreams happens to millions of people every night. How many of you have dreamt about being with a famous movie star? However, if the dream is quite graphic and you are dreaming about the neighbor next door, it would be a good idea to take a moment and examine your true feelings for that person. How many times a week do you have this dream? Are you fantasizing on a daily basis about someone you know? These are signs that your relationship may not be as close as it should be. Straying thoughts do not automatically mean you will cheat on your spouse. However, the intensity of those thoughts can lead to infidelity.
Suspicions and accusations are not going to cut it if you believe you are married to a cheating wife. Get all the facts before you confront your wife about her cheating. When it has been determined that she is indeed cheating, then you can determine the best course of action in handling the situation.
The best way to approach a cheating wife is non-confrontational. Ask her if everything is ok. Listen to how she responds. She must have been acting differently and sending you red flags or you wouldn't have suspected infidelity in the first place. Many wives cheat on their husbands because the husbands do not listen. Open up the lines of communication with her and show her you are willing to listen. Show your vulnerability to her, as this is intimacy to a woman.
Do not threaten or become angry or violent. This may be easier said than done because your ego is bruised. You feel betrayed and rightly so. Trust has been broken, but now is the time to trust her the most to try and put the marriage back together. If you are non-confrontational and do not threaten her, she may be willing to calmly discuss her feelings and tell you why she cheated on you in the first place and how she is willing to fix it.
Teenagers are having sexual contact and exclusive relationships earlier and earlier. These relationships are serious business to the teen and should not be taken lightly. When boys cheat on their girlfriends, it can be devastating to the girl. Girls have been known to become anorexic, act out, and in general have lower self-esteem. Some have become violent to the other girl the boyfriend has cheated with. Many girlfriends blame the other girl and not the boyfriend. Some girls believe their boyfriends would not cheat on them if a flirtatious girl did not lure them.
|Sheri Ann Richerson|