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When cheating and lying become part of a relationship, anger is almost surely present as well. It's important to recognize that the anger may have been there well before the infidelity. Maybe she was angry because of his lack of attention. Maybe he was channeling anger at his boss or his mother.
Anger in itself is not good or bad. It's just a signal, like a red light. It means "something is wrong." You have the opportunity to choose how you respond to that signal, and what you do with the energy it generates. Controlling anger -- channeling its energy productively -- is not the same thing as denying it exists.
Don't be afraid to ask for a break in a discussion with your partner if you're overwhelmed with anger or another emotion. If you are angry enough to hurt yourself or someone else physically, get away from the situation and get help now.
If it's not that bad yet, try to find a productive outlet -- maybe something physical, like exercising or housecleaning. Don't drop the discussion, though. Set up a time to talk further.
|Jennifer Mathes, Ph.D.|