December 28, 2007, Newsletter Issue #62: Keeping Secrets In A Relationship

Tip of the Week

Is a relationship in trouble if partners are keeping secrets from each other? Maybe or maybe not. Secrets in a relationship may be a good thing. There are certain things that really are no one’s business, especially in the beginning stages of a relationship. When the couple decides to make a commitment of marriage or even living together, there should be fewer secrets, not more. If you have doubts or concerns about the faithfulness of a partner, keeping information to yourself might keep your partner honest. Some examples of information to keep secret are:

- How many people you have slept with. The number really doesn’t matter, remaining faithful in the relationship does matter.

- Income level. It isn’t anyone’s business how much money you make, especially in the beginning. The commitment rule applies here.

- Experiences at strip clubs, one-night stands, and things you aren’t very proud of. You don’t have to bear your soul and confess every indiscretion or embarrassing moment to your partner.

- If friends ask that you keep their secrets, don’t tell your partner the secret. You are under no obligation to divulge everything to the partner. Be loyal to the friend and keep their secret.

Mature adults in their 40’s and 50’s have many life experiences and probably have more secrets than someone has in their 20’s. Tell your partner the secrets you believe will strengthen the relationship and keep the others to yourself.

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