August 8, 2008, Newsletter Issue #94: Love vs. Control
Tip of the Week
Some people mistake love for controlling another person, or letting that person control you. We're not talking about the "power exchanges" that some couples engage in as part of sex play, but about handing over the keys to your life to another person in the name of love. This is the first step toward a possible abusive relationship.
It's not love if:
-- Your partner is jealous and suspicious of your everyday activities.
-- Your partner tries to isolate you from friends and family.
-- Your partner demeans you and tries to persuade you that you aren't capable of running your life for yourself.
-- Your partner starts a fight, and then accuses you of provoking it.
-- Your partner belittles you or makes offensive jokes in front of you.
-- Your partner tells you what to wear.
-- You feel like you have to "walk on eggshells," suppressing your own needs and feelings to avoid your partner's anger.
These behaviors are not love. They are emotional abuse, and can be part of a pattern of violence. If you recognize your partner here, you need to get help or get out, or both. It is not possible to have a healthy relationship with a controlling partner.
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