Fighting Fair

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How can we respect one another even when we're angry?

Fighting Fair

Matilda is a lawyer, trained in the art of picking apart an adversary's words. Jack, her husband, admires her skills -- except when she uses them on him. Then, he feels belittled and incompetent, like he can never win. Is it any wonder he's spending more time at work these days?

Just as avoiding all conflict is unhealthy, so is having to win every time, no matter what the cost. Conflict should be an opportunity to get to know your partner better. A key skill in managing conflict is the knowledge that understanding is more important than winning.

To gain that understanding, it's important to be able to draw boundaries and respect your partner's boundaries. Matilda draws on her lawyerly skills because she can't bear to admit a mistake. In talking it over with Jack, they agree that she will try to admit it when she's been wrong, and he agrees to accept her admissions and reassure her of his love without blaming her.



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Heidi Splete