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As in all things, moderation in self-deception can be beneficial -- even charming. You've probably known someone who was head over heels in love with an ordinary-looking partner, and truly believed this person was beautiful or handsome. That kind of self deception keeps the course of love running smoothly.
When you and your partner are going through a stressful time, or when you are anxious and insecure, it is easy to wind up going to extremes with self-deception, refusing to see what's really going on in your relationship.
Two common ways this plays out: Some people close their eyes even to blatant evidence of problems in their relationships ("the wife/husband is always the last to know"), while others become hypervigilant, suspicious even when there's no shred of cause for doubt.
|Jennifer Mathes, Ph.D.|